Wednesdays are my day to “write about something encouraging, like “never quit” and the ability of postage stamps to stick with things” but then somehow I found all of this hilarious crap on the internet (like that ever happens) and I tossed encouragement out the window in favor of the following:
- You know how sometimes when I’m bored I like to search YouTube for treadmill accidents? The other day I had a stroke of pure, freakin’, genius. It was like a voice from God said, “Hear ye, hear ye, thoust musteth search thenceforth for the blessed feline babe upon the blessed treadmill. Thus sayeth the Lord.” Kittens on treadmills. I. AM. ENTERTAINED.
- The other day on here I sort of made fun of Kate-freakin’-Gosselin and felt bad about it. To make up for it, I’m sending her some coupons I found laying around. Enjoy the Mac n’ Cheese, crazylegs!
- But then, since I’m sort of burned out on the whole ‘celebrity’ thing, I found this rather funny.
- Also, I started following that crazy Courtney Stodden on Twitter. (Actually, I wouldn’t click that link if I were you.) Now, there’s a girl who loves
negative attention and possibly glue-huffingalliteration. Today’s tweet: “Sensually stopping into a savory Starbucks to grab an exotic espresso and a sticky sweet treat – Have a very Tasty Tuesday everybody! XOs” I think she missed a couple of other S words — skanky? slimy? I suppose “slutty” is too obvious. How ’bout, “Squeezing my sweaterpuppies on stupid t.v. shows to settle snide statements of their spurious nature.” The lesson here is, all t.v. is REALITY t.v.! Because there is no way that you could pay someone to fake the results of your breast exam on t.v. These are reputable doctors, guys! XOs back at ya!
- Speaking of sweaterpuppies, I would have kids, enroll them in public school, and join the PTA just so I could do this: “Take a bottle of wine, a mixed drink or even a fifth of your favorite hard stuff to the movies, concerts, ball games, even PTA meetings.”
- Also, I want to see this film. Oh wait. I have.
If this is remotely encouraging, it was an accident and for that I apologize. I totally meant to be an irreverent smart-ass.