Kristen Lamb wrote “Top 10 Reasons to Become a Writer” over on her awesome blog. Today as I sat in my underwear, sipping coffee, and reflecting on just how horrible my morning breath was getting, I came up with Reasons Not to Become a Writer:
- The UPS guy will quickly get sick and tired of you answering your door in your underwear.
- You won’t be able to afford the wine resposible for your “creative edge.”
- Without a job, you’ll have no reason to shower. You need to.
- The dream schedule you have of: getting up, writing, going to the gym, nursing a grande half-caff-half-decaff soy sugar-free vanilla soy latte while you read a book, cutting flowers from your pristine garden, and enjoying a stress-free dinner with your family will be replaced with: rolling over in bed and opening your laptop, checking facebook, updating your status, going to the bathroom, gagging down a cheap cup of coffee from a broken-handled “Worlds Best Writer” mug, watching a soap, sweeping behind the fridge, cleaning the crud out of the tracks of your slider windows, and gnawing on a piece of 3-day-old pizza for dinner.
- …and still never find time to brush your teeth.
- You’ll become an indiscriminate writing-whore who takes on jobs you hate, usually for a fraction of what you should be charging, and you will have to do about 6 of those jobs to earn what you used to earn in an hour at your “real” job.
- Unless you work inside a locked bank vault, you will be interrupted… constantly.
- Your local AA chapter no longer takes writers
I can’t wait! (click the cartoon for more awesome Oatmeal!)
Sign me up!
#1-#6 finding myself very near to these in my data analysis and thesis writing days. Though I really have no where to go and no one will see me, I have to tell myself get out of my hideous nightgown/housedress, shower and at least brush my teeth. Too funny!
LOL jamie! And wear a bra. Just once in a while. A clean one.
Wow, someone made a cartoon of me!
I’ll be yelling peepee now at people for days. Thanks.
Apparently you were out in public long enough to make an impression.
Hehe that UPS scenario pretty much just happened to me like 20 minutes ago.
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… hopefully you didn’t yell “pee pee” at him.
But on the bright side, by the time you make it big with that first bestseller you’ll have deteriorated so far that your appearances on the talk show circuit that end in you mumbling like an incoherent crackhead will end up all over YouTube and then you’ll be super famous!
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HAHA! I actually have an embarrassing YouTube moment, it has not made me famous. but I’ll share it with you in the next post…
OMG – this is so awesome. I shared on my Twitter and Facebook page.
Thanks for lightening my grueling day up…
Darlene
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Haha! Thanks for sharing, and glad you enjoyed (hopefully it didin’t hit too close to home! )
Hilarious post! I can relate to some of these, but I’m not admitting which ones! LOL.
Your UPS man knows!
Yes, only the UPS guy knows, and he’ll never tell! Haha!
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OMG, this was hysterical, especially the comic! Now how am I supposed to get any writing done–that’s right! I’m here trying to undo that whole writer-season of my life…
Never! Writing and all its related ‘stuff’ is one addiction I hope never to beat! Thanks for this great ‘nightcap’
The comic is from Oatmeal — a great site of comics. Glad you liked the post! Yup, if you have to have an addiction, it’s a good one to have!
YOU ARE HILARIOUS! I laughed till I cried, which is a great way to start any day! Thanks. (You won a Bookmark with this one.) Thanks to Kristen Lamb for posting to FB, which is what I have just done. Kudos on a great Blog Post, Teresa!!!
Thanks for the comment and the shout-out, Patti! Glad you liked it!
Sigh…if I didn’t write I think I’d probably get all stabbity. The people in my life don’t understand this correlation, and they don’t need to….just so long as they do understand that I eat, I sleep, I breathe, I write…and not necessarily in that order.
And as a concession, I occasionally shower and brush my teeth.
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LOL “Stabbity” — I so want to use that! Thanks for the comment!
#8 is my favorite!
Paula @ thewilyweez recently posted..I Think The Raptors Are Coming To Get Me
LOL! here’s hoping they never turn writers away!
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This is one of the funniest, and sadly truest, jokes about the life of the writer I’ve seen. I’m sitting here in my sweatpants and favorite T-shirt that probably haven’t seen laundry soap in at least a week, thinking maybe I should go take a shower but opting to read some blogs instead when I see this (did I just admit all that in a comment that will live in perpetuity on the internet?). Thanks for the laugh
LOL. Showers are overrated!
Teresa I absolute love this post! I can so relate! Though I’m not a full time writer my entire weekends and holidays I tend to dedicate entirely to writing. By the end of the weekend I’ve turned into some kind of writing hobo looking disheveled in my PJs, un-showered and eating what ever is left in the fridge because I can’t tear myself away from the laptop for 10 minutes to go to the supermarket down the road! Oh dear, my future is now looking quite bleak if I continue pursuing this whole writing thing, will I ever shower again!?
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Long live the writing hobo! Showers are for … for… I don’t know who they’re for, but apparently not for us writers!